Mental Health Meds – my view

Hi guys! If you’re reading this then, thank you!

I thought my next post would be on my views about taking medication for mental illness and my own personal journey with meds.

I started my first course of antidepressants when i was around 17, this was fluoxetine. If i’m completely honest i cannot remember back to the age of 17, but i do know that coming off them by going cold turkey was the worst idea I’ve ever had.

I came off Fluoxetine after about 8 months, as i thought i was well enough to survive without them, mostly because my family and friends didn’t agree with meds and went by the whole “you can’t just put a plaster on it.. you need to actually deal with your issues”

Anyway, i ended up back at the doctors as i was extremely suicidal and low. I was put on Sertraline to help my low moods and PTSD (thats another blog post to come..) Anyway, i went on Sertraline and i began to see a slight improvement, after getting worse for the first few weeks. I continued taking Sertraline until about 4 months after getting into a serious relationship, this also because his views on meds weren’t great, he didn’t really understand. So, cold turkey again! Thought i would of learnt the first time around..

After coming off Sertaline by myself, it was a horrible horrible time of my life. I was having mental breakdowns at least once a week, panic attacks at night time and I just couldn’t get out of bed and i was losing all my friends. This went on for two and a half years.. two and a half fucking years. I tried meditation, journaling, you name it. But i just wasn’t getting any better. It got to the point where i was having mental breakdowns nearly daily and i thought – fuck this! Get me to the doctors ASAP.

I called my workplace and said I was in a bad way and needed to go to the doctors so i wouldn’t be in. I went to the doctors and explained everything that had been happening and he was surprised i’d survived! So i said Hi to sertraline again and took a full week off work to rest and get my body used to it. (i was so spaced out and drowsy!) I fully opened up to my friends about how much i had been struggling and they were all so supportive and still are now.

So here i am now, I have been back on meds for 4 months and i feel so much better. I honestly don’t think i would be alive now, if i hadn’t of gone to the doctors when i did. I am GRATEFUL for medication and i am not ASHAMED or EMBARRASSED to be taking meds to help me enjoy my life more than i did.

Dealing with Anxiety

Hi guys! If you’re reading this, thank you!

So, for years and years i have struggled with anxiety but recently i have pushed myself out of my comfort zone to help myself grow. Anxiety is one of the most painful, crushing things to deal with, as I’m sure a lot of you know. It’s almost like you have to deal with it head on, to ever slightly move past it.

My anxiety ranges from not being able to leave the house by myself to being too scared to go to the toilet alone. It’s different everyday. Some days i walk down the street with a smile, thinking that I’m the next Beyonce and that everyone fancies me (thats probably the BPD) and other days i can’t even look up or hold back the tears.

I never really thought i did anything to help my anxiety, until recently i was out with work and one of the girls said to me “whats with the hair bobble?” and it was then i realised i had a hair bobble wrapped around my fingers. I always always alllllways have a hair bobble on my wrist and it wasn’t until that night that i realised i had been using this as a way to distract myself (without even knowing i was doing it?) weird.

Since then, i have seen many different ideas that i’ve thought about trying, but never have. I did actually join a gym, that really really helps but sometimes even just the walk to the gym makes me feel sick at the thought. Like i said, it’s different every day.

One idea i did try and that has stuck with me is healing stones. I bought two beautiful healing stones when i was in manchester and i keep them in my coat pocket with me at all times.. If i feel anxious or nervous i get them out and just hold one in each hand, whilst walking or doing whatever i’m doing. This calms me down a little and distracts my mind. I love my little stones!

Anxiety is so underrated, people do not understand the pain we go through everyday to even get out of bed, go outside or speak to people. If you’re struggling please don’t hesitate to reach out for help, there’s so many people around you that love you. My DM’s are always open on twitter.

Thanks for reading, Jessie x

A little background info..

Hi guys! If you’re reading this.. thank you!

So, my name is Jessie and I’m 23 years old. I live on a beautiful little island in the middle of the irish sea!

I’ve always struggled with my mental health, since around the age of 14. I’ve never really been open about it, not until the last two years. This was fear of being judged and I’m always worried of being labelled as an attention seeker, especially when i am the complete opposite.

When i was 14, i was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I didn’t understand it at all and was made to go to counselling, where i didn’t open up and lied about being ok so was therefor discharged from the mental health scheme. My mother never believed i was depressed, not even when i started self harming really bad. I was super addicted to self harming (I haven’t self harmed in years now, yay!) School was so hard for me, I was always bullied for being chunky and for being ‘weird’.. blah blah you know how it goes!

Anyway.. I’ve always had the weirdest most horrible mood swings, identity issues and almost felt like i didn’t have just one personality.. I couldn’t figure out what was going on inside my head, to make me switch and say such horrible things or react so badly. Then i came across Borderline Personality Disorder and i ticked every box. Off i went to my doctor and said “this is it! this is it! this is why i am the way i am..” to then get the reply of “You do fit the part. If i refer you to the mental health department, you’ll be waiting months, maybe over a year for just an appointment, let alone a diagnosis.” yep, let that sink in. Welcome to the Isle Of Man, where mental health support doesn’t exist.

So here i am, knowing that i have BPD but i’m unable to get any support. Just antidepressants/mood stabilisers thrown at me and told to get on with it.