Stop feeling guilty for looking after yourself!

This is the most important and helpful thing i have learnt so far this year!

Until I started seeing my therapist in January, I really really struggled with winding down. I was constantly doing something and felt guilty for sitting and watching TV.

I used to spend my whole weekend cleaning our house top to bottom and going out, to the point where I was exhausted when Monday arrived. As i work full time, i felt as though i couldn’t relax at the weekend, this was wasting my time off in my eyes.

When i started seeing my therapist for pre DBT assessment she was shocked at the fact that i couldn’t sit still to watch TV. She talked about how important it is to wind down and find something calming to do that you enjoy. It’s as easy as that.. But i think i had to hear it off someone first before i could relax.

Don’t get me wrong – I don’t spend all my time reading and relaxing, I still struggle, but I’m a lot better at enjoying time with myself now without feeling guilty.

I still clean at the weekend, but i just limit the time in which i give myself to do so. I’m finally starting to have stable hobbies for the first time EVER which include reading (a lot) and drawing.

Since i’ve started reading, my anxiety has been better to handle. I now spend my weekends at the library in peace, instead of pacing around my house!

I do struggle with watching tv, it has to be a series as if i know whats coming, i just get bored and can’t sit and watch, i lose interest super quick!

So please, schedule some time in your week for yourself, read a book, go for a walk, listen to some music, just do you. Put yourself first. At the end of the day, In order to get better, you must look after yourself x

Mental Health Meds – my view

Hi guys! If you’re reading this then, thank you!

I thought my next post would be on my views about taking medication for mental illness and my own personal journey with meds.

I started my first course of antidepressants when i was around 17, this was fluoxetine. If i’m completely honest i cannot remember back to the age of 17, but i do know that coming off them by going cold turkey was the worst idea I’ve ever had.

I came off Fluoxetine after about 8 months, as i thought i was well enough to survive without them, mostly because my family and friends didn’t agree with meds and went by the whole “you can’t just put a plaster on it.. you need to actually deal with your issues”

Anyway, i ended up back at the doctors as i was extremely suicidal and low. I was put on Sertraline to help my low moods and PTSD (thats another blog post to come..) Anyway, i went on Sertraline and i began to see a slight improvement, after getting worse for the first few weeks. I continued taking Sertraline until about 4 months after getting into a serious relationship, this also because his views on meds weren’t great, he didn’t really understand. So, cold turkey again! Thought i would of learnt the first time around..

After coming off Sertaline by myself, it was a horrible horrible time of my life. I was having mental breakdowns at least once a week, panic attacks at night time and I just couldn’t get out of bed and i was losing all my friends. This went on for two and a half years.. two and a half fucking years. I tried meditation, journaling, you name it. But i just wasn’t getting any better. It got to the point where i was having mental breakdowns nearly daily and i thought – fuck this! Get me to the doctors ASAP.

I called my workplace and said I was in a bad way and needed to go to the doctors so i wouldn’t be in. I went to the doctors and explained everything that had been happening and he was surprised i’d survived! So i said Hi to sertraline again and took a full week off work to rest and get my body used to it. (i was so spaced out and drowsy!) I fully opened up to my friends about how much i had been struggling and they were all so supportive and still are now.

So here i am now, I have been back on meds for 4 months and i feel so much better. I honestly don’t think i would be alive now, if i hadn’t of gone to the doctors when i did. I am GRATEFUL for medication and i am not ASHAMED or EMBARRASSED to be taking meds to help me enjoy my life more than i did.