He ruined my life.

My life was never the same after a night in the summer of 2013. I was locked in a house to be raped, I was fed stories of how I was going to be taken on a plane to move to turkey, I would mother his children (who were my god daughters) and I would never return. I was forced to sit on his lap, I was told what was going to happen to me.

He locked the door. I was locked in his house.

Luckily enough I managed to escape and I ran home before anything extremely damaging was done. But it doesn’t mean I wasn’t damaged. It doesn’t mean I’m not scared of the dark. It doesn’t mean I can be home alone.

He turned up at my house the next day demanding to see me, he rang me, he text me. He lived down the fucking road. His children were my god daughters, his girlfriend was my best friend.

The worst part of all – I still see him. I still see him in the street, I still hear about him.

I think maybe it’s time I finally spoke about this, time I finally reached out for help. He ruined my life.

Grandparents are precious

So last night, i had a phone call off my dad to say that my Nan has passed away. Big tears immediately came as well as the feeling of my heart being crushed. I tried to stay strong on the phone, but the second I got off, I broke.

For the last year, I’ve been saying “I need to go over to Ireland to see Lal (my Nan)” but I’ve never booked it. The regret I feel today, hurts so so much. I urge all of you with grandparents/older family members or friends to go see them. You don’t know when your last time with them will be.

The guilt and regret I am feeling today for not going over to see her one last time is terribly painful. My heart is so empty and I feel so numb. I am really kicking myself. You don’t realise how precious time is, until it runs out. You never think it will, but the harsh reality is, that it does and it hurts like hell. So seriously, pick up the phone. Ring your loved ones. Tell them you love them. Go see them.