Following on from my previous post, I thought i would now explain how i handle friendships and BPD.
This is the one thing i’ve always struggled with, as i get extremely jealous.
I only have a small circle of friends, who all know i struggle with mental health issues. I am very lucky to have such supportive friends.
It takes me a long time to become friends with someone, i have to work them out first and see what type of personality they have. It takes me a few months to open up but when i do, i would say that i am a good friend although i am brutally honest!
I am a very jealous person when it comes to friendships, this is a huge issue that i’m trying to work through, but can’t seem to get past. If i get left out or I see my friends out with other friends, I get very upset and this causes me to split on my friends and isolate myself for a few weeks, make no contact with them and basically drop them from my life for a few weeks until I’m over it.
I’ve currently come out of a friend group, as it was too much for me. There was four of us in the group and i really struggled when they would make plans when i wasn’t around or do things without me. I would get so jealous, it hurt me.
I think part of this jealousy is definitely my huge fear of being abandoned. As soon as i see a sign of being forgotten or left out, I drop off the face of the earth, so that i have the power.
When i was in high school, I was in a friendship group, there was four of us. When i became mentally unwell around the age of 14, they just moved on without me. I used to have to watch them having fun and doing everything without me, right under my nose. This was so so painful and i think this is why my jealousy gets so bad now, because i don’t ever want to go through that again.
I think it’s hard when people don’t think the way you do or feel everything as intensely as you do. Feeling abandoned and alone are the most painful feelings for me.