So, if you follow me on Twitter you will know that I haven’t had a great week.
I’ve been feeling very angry and upset about my past, causing me to be negative and reckless at work and at home. I phoned the doctors to see about maybe finally trying therapy (I’ve been once when I was 14 but struggled to speak) and guess what?! Earliest appointment available was in 3 weeks time.. so my anxiety is through the roof about that as it’s a random doctor too, not my usual.
I’ve had a hard week, thinking about numerous memories and I’ve felt very triggered throughout. I’ve also had bad flu symptoms including chills, fever & nausea, I’ve been sleeping a lot. I think because I suffer worse in the winter (Seasonal Affective Disorder), this causes me to panic when the weather begins to change, because I know what’s coming. I know the anxiety will come worse and the mood swings, the reckless behaviour and spending. The funny thing is that I’m actually healthier and more active in the winter than I am in the summer! Bizarre I know.. But I’m not complaining as that will help me hugely..
So yeah, GYM. I think it’s finally time to go back this week, with me working 8-4:30 it’s easier as I can get there about 4:45pm and it’s fairly quiet.. so wish me luck! I am nervous as I’ve put a lot of weight on and I know it will take time to get back into it.