Hi guys! If you’re reading this.. thank you!
So, my name is Jessie and I’m 23 years old. I live on a beautiful little island in the middle of the irish sea!
I’ve always struggled with my mental health, since around the age of 14. I’ve never really been open about it, not until the last two years. This was fear of being judged and I’m always worried of being labelled as an attention seeker, especially when i am the complete opposite.
When i was 14, i was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I didn’t understand it at all and was made to go to counselling, where i didn’t open up and lied about being ok so was therefor discharged from the mental health scheme. My mother never believed i was depressed, not even when i started self harming really bad. I was super addicted to self harming (I haven’t self harmed in years now, yay!) School was so hard for me, I was always bullied for being chunky and for being ‘weird’.. blah blah you know how it goes!
Anyway.. I’ve always had the weirdest most horrible mood swings, identity issues and almost felt like i didn’t have just one personality.. I couldn’t figure out what was going on inside my head, to make me switch and say such horrible things or react so badly. Then i came across Borderline Personality Disorder and i ticked every box. Off i went to my doctor and said “this is it! this is it! this is why i am the way i am..” to then get the reply of “You do fit the part. If i refer you to the mental health department, you’ll be waiting months, maybe over a year for just an appointment, let alone a diagnosis.” yep, let that sink in. Welcome to the Isle Of Man, where mental health support doesn’t exist.
So here i am, knowing that i have BPD but i’m unable to get any support. Just antidepressants/mood stabilisers thrown at me and told to get on with it.